J and the Three Boys is happy to host Marnellie Santos, who is a new mom. Greatly inspired by my friend Jenny Ong's Chronicles of a Nursing Mom, Marnellie joins this mom's Milk Mama Diaries. This is what she has to say, "I was able to read on relevant sites with the same topics on breastfeeding and "mommying". Truly parenting and babies are mysteries which one will never get tired trying to solve. I was able to find helpful mommy sites (nice ones that are not readily selling) from the carnival last August. I do not have a blog but I'm interested to participate on the December carnival. Hope you can host my post... hopefully with this I can actually kick off a blog of my own.
Flash back to my not-so-long-ago baby shower.
Three of my friends who gave birth several months earlier (so blessed to have lots of batch mates) asked me before the shower if I'm going to breastfeed. I said "yes" in a heartbeat. In my mind: duh! shempre! haller? Why would anyone not WANT to breastfeed? With all the published health benefits? With all the ads that say breastfeeding is BEST for babies up to 2 years of age (now they have added "and beyond"). Why would any loving mom not want to give their baby the BEST if it is really all that? Most puzzling then for me is, why are they all asking me this seemingly easy question with a seemingly easy answer????
Now that I have given birth, I know why... IT IS NOT FREAKIN' EASY!
Well, the start part mostly, I'm still hoping it does become easier and easier...
Here comes the hard part.
I was not yet due but my doctor detected that I developed preeclampsia on my 37th week, so baby had to be delivered ASAP, as in, now na! Ready or not, here we go! Not including the following reasons: baby was not thriving in my womb, the ultrasound said he was only 33weeks in size, and my amniotic fluid was at very low levels already.
To cut a long story short, I had a fairly complicated delivery and my baby was delivered pre-mature. Even more so the pressure to give him my breastmilk mounted. I was in so much pressure -- mostly from myself. I also had to leave him in the NICU because of presumed sepsis.
It was waterworks on my last day at the hospital! Major post postpartum breakdown! I had already been going to the NICU every 3 hours to latch and breastfeed despite the "nothing" that is coming out of my breasts. Plus pumping in my room in between feedings.
My husband, ever so supportive, called for a lactation therapist on my last day at the hospital in hope that we can get that milk out. This was ok, but 3 days post delivery, with everything happening so fast, I was wiped out. I just wanted to sleep!!! I was actually at the point to saying, maybe all this is not worth it --> yes, I wanted to quit. Literally in my mind I was like a kid having a tantrum "I quit, I quit!" like it's gonna change things and I can actually quit?
*sniff sniff, we don't want to leave you...
Saved!
But my ever so endearing husband does not want to quit (at this point I was already hating him for it, add post partum hormonal imbalance to that). Since I had no milk to leave my baby after I checked out of the hospital (I really didn't want to give formula at all), we decided to contact a friend (one of the 3 from my shower) for breastmilk donation. She happily gave us not only milk but tons and tons of advice and info which we were not able to research yet given the sudden turn of events.
Here I can really appreciate peer-to-peer support on breastfeeding. One thing for sure, my relationship with this friend is forever changed. Her milk sustained my baby while I was building my own supply, which came late (late-bloomer as always). My supply only stabilized after A MONTH. Truly, it was the best gift anyone could ever get. Not only did it help me and my baby physically, but breastfeeding and the whole package is such an emotional experience that getting this gift gets to mean to be so much more.
Paying it forward
Last September 4, I delivered my baby Miguel Isaiah at St.Lukes QC. He stayed at the NICU due to his condition. September 3, a baby girl named Antonhia Levene was also born at St. Lukes and is staying at the NICU with him. Her mom is also struggling with breast milk supply, but was determined to give her breast milk because she was also pre-mature and needed the antibodies. I only knew about them last November 19, in a post from Human Milk for Human Babies FB page.
By this time I was already producing more than what my baby can finish. (yehey! happy ending! The supply actually came, now in abundance!). So I PMed her. After getting frozen milk from me last November, she texted me again recently. She was diagnosed with mild pneumonia and has been instructed to pump and dump due to medication. My heart went out to her because shortly after getting out of the hospital I also got sick and had to do the same. Those days I mustered all my "kakapalan" and asked for donated milk from my friend again. So much of a coincidence or God is just so creative at orchestrating such events in our lives that the bad things have a way of becoming blessings in the end. Today she had the milk picked up again from our house. If it is not too selfish to say, I actually felt like the one who was given a gift - a gift of sharing and paying forward the kindness shown to me. There world, feel my gratitude! It really feels so nice, warm and fuzzy inside. Perfect for this season!
Merry Christmas! Now we are even able to breastfeed on Miguel's first trip. Santos Fam @ Buon Giorno, Cliffhouse, Tagaytay!
May this cycle of giving and receiving never end because it is such a roller coaster of a ride that that is both maddening and fulfilling. Moreover the relationships built over breastfeeding support from friends is priceless. Hopefully as a newbie mom, there is more of this kind of experiences for me are in store in my hopefully long and extended world of breastfeeding.
=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=
Check out the other participants of the Carnival below (to be updated throughout the day):
Shaps- Beyond Being Thin
Gretchen - Breastfeeding Gifts for Christmas
Carol - The Gift of Miracle
Jenny O.- The Gifts of Breastfeeding
Anne - The Gift of Breastfeeding
Nats - We Wish You Merry Nursing
Jenny R. - If the Magi Were Queens
Em - The "Breast" Gift
Isis- Got Milk?
Armi - Breastfeeding Gifts
Liv - My Breastfeeding Journey
Laya - Time in a Drop of Milk
Mec - The Gift of a Changed Man
Marnellie (Hosted by Jen CC Tan) - Tis the Season to be Giving, From a Donee to a Donor
Icar - Breastfeeding Gifts
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